Introduction
We’ve all been there—trapped in a meeting with a manager who seems to have crawled out from under a heat lamp, blinking, demanding, and ready to strike. It’s tempting to joke that you’re dealing with a lizard person—cold-blooded, unreasonable, and likely to devour your sanity. But here's the catch: they’re not lizards. They’re humans. And often, they’re under pressures and constraints just like you.
In the high-pressure world of information technology, relationships with internal or external clients can make or break not only your day, but your project. When frustrations build, it’s easy to adopt an "us versus them" mentality. This article challenges that instinct and argues for a more mature, productive approach to difficult corporate interactions—one rooted in empathy, professionalism, and the principle of win-win.
The Dehumanizing Trap
Labeling people—especially as something subhuman like “a lizard”—is a psychological shortcut. It creates emotional distance and protects us from vulnerability or the discomfort of conflict. But it also blinds us. The moment we caricature someone, we reduce our ability to connect, understand, and serve.
Stephen Covey famously wrote, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." That isn't just good philosophy—it’s sound strategy. In IT, where professionals often feel like order-takers or scapegoats, there’s a temptation to turn sour. But the client isn’t the enemy. They're the reason the job exists.
Quick Example:
I was in a meeting not long ago with a director and they advising me on how to deal with difficult clients. The conversation turned to emotional resilience and political navigation in tense environments. He told me, quite seriously, that in order to survive, you have to think of clients as lizards. This is not an exact quote but in essence he said, It’s how you protect yourself. You have to play the game. If you don’t, you’ll get eaten.
It struck me as an odd and even dehumanizing way to think about other people. I understood the sentiment—emotional distance as a shield—but something about it didn’t sit right. Given my own nature and upbringing, I could see that I simply didn’t share the same paradigm. I asked myself what it would mean to adopt that mindset. Would I become cynical? Would I stop listening to what the client was actually trying to say?
In our rush to resolve tickets and deliver fixes, it’s easy to dismiss client concerns—especially if they’re inexperienced or vague in their requests. But too often, those “vague” clients are just people placed in positions they’re qualified for on paper, yet without deep technical experience. They’re not lizards. They’re people trying to navigate a complex environment with tools they may not fully understand.
Treating them as “other” might feel protective, but it fosters distrust and disconnection. You can't truly resolve someone’s problem if you see them as beneath you, or as a threat. True professionalism—real collaboration—starts with seeing the person.
Understanding Their World
Every "difficult" person has a context—pressures, incentives, and blind spots that shape their behavior. Professionals in management roles are often juggling goals, KPIs, limited resources, and their own fears. When a manager is pushy or vague, it may not be because they’re inconsiderate. They may not know how to speak your language. That’s not malevolence; it’s misalignment.
So what can you do?
- Ask clarifying questions before jumping to conclusions.
- Look for their success metrics. Are they trying to hit a deployment deadline? Reduce costs? Impress a superior?
- Mirror their concerns in your language. (“It sounds like uptime is your top concern; here’s how we can minimize risk while addressing that.”)
This doesn’t mean surrendering your professional boundaries—it means aligning your efforts to support theirs.
"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." — Maya Angelou
Communicating with Clarity and Respect
A major point of friction in IT-client relationships is communication. Technical professionals often assume clients understand more than they do—or they become frustrated having to "dumb things down."
It’s important to emphasize that if you're a technical person, it's perfectly okay to explain things in a technical way. That’s your language. The key is knowing when and how to pair that explanation with a relatable analogy or metaphor. This is especially useful when the client doesn't share your background, which is often the case.
Oftentimes, you'll find yourself not just solving a problem, but teaching others. Helping a client clearly understand what's at stake—and how a particular process works—can spark a more meaningful dialogue. In some cases, it may even prompt the client to rethink their request or rephrase it more effectively.
As someone who views the world through a technical lens, I know it can be difficult to relate those details to everyday comparisons. That’s where the principle of seeking first to understand before being understood becomes incredibly useful. Understanding what your client already knows—or thinks they know—about a given system helps you meet them where they are. From there, you can teach, clarify, or provide just enough insight for them to engage in a more thoughtful way.
There's no guarantee they'll respond well—but your respect in listening, paired with your honesty about the true impact of their request, builds trust and credibility. Respect goes both ways: respect to listen carefully, and respect to speak truthfully.
Here’s a more constructive approach:
- Speak plainly, not condescendingly. Don’t lecture; explain clearly and concisely.
- Use analogies or metaphors. If your client doesn't grasp DNS propagation, compare it to a message taking time to reach different outposts.
- Repeat back their concerns in your own words to ensure understanding.
This isn’t about playing politics—it’s about mutual clarity. Communication is the bridge to trust.
Reframing the Relationship
It's natural—especially in the corporate world—to think in terms of hierarchies. Many of us are taught to respect roles and chains of command through our schooling, careers, or military experience. That structure can be useful. It helps define responsibility and create order. But when it comes to solving real-world problems—especially in IT—it can get in the way.
When we treat clients as being lower in a hierarchy, we can unconsciously slip into thinking of ourselves as superior. We may even act like gatekeepers of knowledge, wielding our expertise like a weapon rather than a resource. But that mindset blocks collaboration, and collaboration is where real solutions begin.
Yes, you might be the subject-matter expert. And yes, your client might not fully understand the technical side of their own request. But your role isn’t to dominate—it’s to cooperate. The goal is shared success. The right frame of mind isn’t one of hierarchy; it’s one of partnership.
Changing your paradigm can lead to better conversations and better outcomes. Here are some ways to reframe common thoughts:
- From “They don’t get it” → “They see it differently.” Maybe I need to explain it another way. Or maybe I need to ask more questions to fully grasp their concern.
- From “This request is ridiculous” → “There’s likely a reason behind this request I haven’t uncovered yet.” Let me get curious instead of dismissive.
- From “I’ll just say yes to shut them up” → “Can I offer a better solution they’ll understand and support?” If I understand their real needs, I can guide them to the right answer—not just give them what they think they want.
Empathy doesn’t mean surrendering professional judgment. It means respecting the person enough to understand their point of view and working with them—not against them—to create a path forward. That’s how real collaboration happens.
Professionalism Means Emotional Maturity
Professionalism isn’t just about polished emails or meeting deadlines. At its core, it means being emotionally mature—choosing to act with restraint, clarity, and purpose even when others don’t.
Emotional maturity means you don’t lash out when misunderstood. You don’t escalate a situation just because you feel disrespected. You see the bigger picture: that your actions set the tone and direction of the relationship. It’s the ability to pause, listen, interpret, and respond—not just react.
It’s recognizing that your client’s urgency or frustration may not be personal. It’s their stress speaking. Instead of reflecting that emotion back at them, the mature professional offers steadiness. This steadiness builds credibility. It calms conflict. It fosters trust.
True professionals make space for dignity—even when it's not returned. They carry themselves in a way that invites others to rise. In this sense, emotional maturity is both a shield and a compass. It protects you from being pulled into petty conflict and guides you toward constructive outcomes.
And here’s the best part: it’s contagious. Show it enough, and even the most difficult client might just surprise you.
Conclusion
In corporate IT, you're not just a technician—you’re a relationship builder. While it may feel satisfying in the moment to joke about “lizard people,” it’s a trap that undermines your effectiveness. Instead, take the higher path.
Start with curiosity. Build bridges of communication. Seek win-win outcomes. And above all, remember that behind every frustrating interaction is a person—flawed, stressed, and perhaps more like you than you think.
Treat your clients not as reptiles to be handled, but as humans to be helped. You’ll not only be a better engineer—you’ll be a better coworker, leader, and person.
"If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." — African Proverb
